August 23, 2006

• 
  Thoughts.
  has he ever tried to understand how i really feel or has he really been assume it? it makes me feel bad to know that he lied to me. i didn't mind that he was talking to her. i really didn't, but i really mind the fact that he lied to me. i heard her voice when he was telling her that he was talking to me. in a way that did make me happy, but i know i'm mainly upset because he lied to me. how could you say you want someone to fully trust you.. when you'd lie to them about something that little? and how could someone fully trust someone when they know that a lie like that has been told. it may not seem like something big, but it hurts me a lot. tiffany an gave me some advice, and it was stuff that made me realize i really wanted to trust him. and.. i've been trying. but how could one simple thing turn out like this? i really don't know. i just feel really hurt, because i really want to trust him.
  
  i seriously think so much. when people tell me a certain thing.. it stays on my mind. like... how come guys do the opposite.. when they know you don't like it when they do something. it's really weird. it's true that you learn more and more everyday. i have so much thoughts. even when i was a kid i had so much thoughts. it's funny because i still remember one of them.. it's.. "how did we come into this world.. why am i here" i don't get myself sometimes, and i'm pretty sure that's why many people don't understand me also. i don't feel it's wrong that i love this guy though. i feel happier that he's in my life, even though there are some things wrong with our relationship. i mainly feel it's my fault, but still.. shouldn't he care how i feel?
  
  i'm thankful that he's there.. no doubt. it's just i don't know what i'm thinking right now. and i guess i just wanna go blah blah blah.. i feel that everytime i try to trust him.. he does something to lose my trust.. why does it happen that way? i know both of us are really fed up, but we still seem to be there for each other, and love one another. i wonder many things, and i don't know why. sometimes i just wish i didn't thing that much, but at times it's a good thing.
  
  Overall, I was mainly upset about the fact that he lied to me because I asked him more than once about him "fixing his phone." and he lied to me all those times. Kinda like.. I gave him a chance to tell me the truth, but he still didn't.
  
  Updates.
  this weekend has been alright. i got to hang out with tiffany an. i haven't hung out with her in like 2 years. it was really cool. the first day she came.. we hung out with john and my cousin's of course. because yeaaa.. we watched movies, and ate pho. we went to tea planet after. yummmyyy i drank red bean milk tea with ice cream.. freakin` good man.. i feel hungry now thinking about it. then we went to cue d's and hung out. freddy and some other peeps were there. it was cool. i was so amused by freddy. hahah.. the way he opened his cellphone. what a loser. hhahaha.. so that day was pretty good. i went to tiffany tay's house after. i was gonna sleep over, but my father didn't want me to. he came to drive me. then i went home and talked to my love.
  
  woke up the next day.. not feeling really happy, but i was glad tiffany an was in vegas. i took a shower then ate. after i walked to tiffany tay's house. we went to circus after. then some stuff happened. -_- tiffany an, her brothers, and i ate mcdonalds. yummmy ice cream. we went home after like 2 hours, and we ate again O_O lolz. then we were gonna go out because tiffany tay asked i guess? haha.. i don't think she really asked me though. b/c of stuff.... uhhh yeaa.. but no room so tiffany an and i went to my house. we chatted and went on the comp. my mom came home soon. we asked to get boba and yayyyy we got it. hahah come to think of it.. my mom needs to give me money because i freakin paid for kelly's boba. hahahha.. we went home after, but we already finished our boba in the car. we watched stairway to heaven. hahah crazyyyy.. we're together getting depressed by a korean drama??? we're weirdos.. she plucked my eyebrows.. she said they're fury.. it hurt.. and my right foot was being all weird.. HAHHA.. after that we just kept watching.. then we went on the comp and looked at pictures.. and stuff.. then watched some more.. but she went to sleep so i talked to elgin and fell asleep. after she woke up so i did too... somehow? so.. then we were talking for two hours.. then watch stairway to heaven b/c she wanted to be depressed??? hahaha.. she's weird.. then she had to go.. and i was sleepy.. so i didn't walk her out.. SORRY >_< hahaha.. after that i went to sleep.. then i woke up and just did stuff.. i got a new sn too.. if you want it.. ask?? hahahh.. after that.. i talked to elgin.. he called me.. i was happy.. then i just did some tynah stuff.. i only ate like once today... hahahha weird.. -_- that's all i guess.. here are some pictures:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  I saw this in Elgin's AIM profile:
  
  "..and if she knocks on my door
  i'll give her the key..
  just one look in her eyes
  and i know i'll be..
  everything that she sees in me,
  more than i ever thought i could be...
  
  i hoped to find something..
  but when i returned..
  i was empty handed..
  
  nobody told me that love could be so cruel..
  
  i'll find a way..
  to open up the door that's been keeping me from happiness..
  using your love as the key.."
  
  hmm...idk.. lalalala. I guess that's all for now. x_x
  
  

  • 6:16 am
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